Friends stay

It's always fun (and worthwhile) to catch up with old friends. We might stop hanging out with them for one reason or two. We might have different path of life that forces us not to have contact as much as we used to have.
But true friends stay. In our heart.

***

These days have been wonderful. My dear best friend came to Melbourne for a training. We didn't plan that to happen, it just happened. It's been a year that we didn't see each other and we ended up meeting in Melbourne. I am very happy to see how she has grown up. I do hope she will be having more successful years ahead.

Tonight, I was pretty anxious meeting my Australian old friends back in my YSEP year. We did have something in common; we spent sometime being aliens in a faraway country. But I was worried that 3 years are just far too long for us to even recognize each other. But again, true friends stay. To me, they are still the same person I used to know. They are STILL my friends. They've crossed my path. Catching up and being updated to what each other has been up over the last couple years we didn't have chance to meet time are always great.

***

Being reminded to catch up with other friends who have been a little bit "invisible". We never know if a word of hello might mean a lot at the time being.

addicted to dentist

Can you imagine that I have visited the dentist for twelve times since last month. It's a record in my life for I *seriously* hated dentist when I was child. The dentist hardly touched me since I would be ready to kick if he was approaching ;)

It was the past, anyway. It is different now.
It started from the time when a friend asked me to accompany him to the dentist. I read the magazine about the services that clinic offers while I was waiting for him. I was interested -ouwh, how can I be interested in something related to teeth stuffs? or maybe my Japanese was that bad so that I mis-interpret the magazine? But anyway, I made the appointment to have the dentist checked my teeth. And from here the story began that I kept seeing him at least 2-3 times a week.

Does Japanese dentist have a "charm"?? :-)
No wonder dentists here are like everywhere! My dentist is 3 minutes walk to the north from the station, and on the way there, I can see three other dental clinics!

What I like from my dentist here -or the doctor here, is that he explains what happened to my tooth very clearly that one day he even came out with the huge tooth picture to tell me about the anatomy of the tooth! -reminding me to those days in elementary school when we had like "tooth day" *Ouch, you cannot imagine how much I hated that* He also tells what and how he is going to do that. It is nice, really, one of the things that I cannot have from the dentist in my country, unless it is I who is proactive to throw questions.

So, that's it. Really hope my dentist in my country read this blog that he will not tell anymore that I have a dentist-phobia, to anybody whom he thinks has relation to me :d
That's true, at my first day in uni four years ago, I met a new friend -who is unfortunately my dentist's nephew, and suddenly he said, "Oh, so you are Desiree who is afraid of the dentist!" What a good start to build a friendship ;)

another philosophy: 合気道

The more I get into the Japanese art, the more I get the philosophical impression. Couple months ago was the flower arrangement turn and this time would be the martial art.
Can you read the Chinese character below?



The first kanji is 合"ai" means harmony, the second is 氣 or sometimes simplified to 気 "ki" meaning spirit, mind, or universal energy, and the last is 道 "dou" meaning path or way. Put it together, it becomes 合気道 or "Aikido", that commonly translated as the way to harmonize the spirit.

Aikido is one type of Japanese martial arts, that was found by Morihei Ueshiba, innovated from the combination of the derivation of jujitsu, his father's political ideologies, and his deep understanding toward life. As its consistency to its name meaning, Aikido does not focus on punching or kicking, but on self defense that harmonize the opponent's energy to throw it away from you. In practice, I found that it is not only a matter about how to use the opponent's energy, but also the matter about how to meet your spirit -and your mind.

However, don't you ever think that it is indeed important to fully use your spirit when doing things? I mean, in the real world? Well, we practised an attacking technique today. It was the "one hand holding one opponent's hand" attack, and sensei explained it by 「心が手で持つ」 meaning the heart holds by the means of the hand, instead of saying 「手が持つ」 meaning the hand holds. He emphasized: heart.

You may say that it might be nonsense. But I was shown that the state of the mind works. When I really meant to hold my partner's hand, I really held it. It was simply light hold -not a grab, but it was hardly loosened. Another example, I was forcefully trying to push my partner away. It was impossible, sure, since he was stronger than me and one of the jyokyusei (advanced disciple). Sensei told me to unintentionally push him, and think to reach something steps ahead. Finally I made him fall, and I felt nothing meaningful was heading. Another good illustration that sensei mentioned was, assume that we have something ahead as our goal -he took Tokodai as the example because there were many first year students, and our opponent is the rock heading our way to get to Tokodai. And think, he said, that we are now walking reaching Tokodai -the goal, instead of focusing that now we are pushing the rock -the problem away.

Keep focusing on your goal, eh?
It is about to keep your mind -and your spirit sticking into it, isn' it?
-and well, it is what aikido about anyway ;)

-desiree-
...my goal today is to finish the experiments here before going home, and my rock is that i couldn't help not writing this blog...

kenangan

Ini beberapa potong percakapanku dengan seorang teman sabtu lalu

--------
temanku : wah..wah...
temanku : dah ga sabaran pengen pulang yah?
aku : ga juga sih..
temanku : ehm...ehm.., brarti ada sesuatu yang 'susah untuk ditinggalkan' dong di jepang?
aku : iya.
aku : terutama: kenangan
temanku : lho..., kenangan kan emang bukan buwat ditinggal, tapi buwat dibawa pergi toh?
temanku : kalo untuk ditinggal, bukan kenangan namanya...
--------

Iya, kuakui dia benar. Kenangan itu memang untuk dibawa pergi bukan untuk ditinggalkan. Tapi kadang kala memang ada kenangan yang ingin kutinggalkan, kukubur dalam-dalam. Tapi setiap kucoba, hal itu selalu mustahil. Karena sepertinya kenangan adalah anugrah yang Allah berikan, agar kita memiliki sesuatu hal -yang kadang dengan berdamai terhadapnya kita bisa menjadi orang yang lebih baik.

-desiree-
PS: Hey, there, thanks for reminding me.
But everything I have here now, however, is all the best one. And surely I'll take it home.

flower for the children

All of the leaves in the flower that I arranged for the children day, only represented present and future.
Because children are growing from this point -and are optimistic to see the future.

And so should I, I reckon.
Looking straight forward to the future -but I am luckier than those children, for having the past from which I can learn.


my ikebana

PS: *thanks for a long talk, sita*

utsunomiya

I went to Tochigi this weekend, with my YSEP fellows and my YSEP professors, to have one night homestay with a Japanese family in Utsunomiya city. Utsunomiya was awesome. It doesn't look like Japan *at least Japan where I live now*. It is really closed to the nature: mountain, lake, hills, and even farm! And the people -somehow- look happier than people in Tokyo.

My hostfamily seemed to like nature a lot -as I enjoyed it very much too. We went to the farm, located 1030m high from the sea level. We were freezing -but then I found that having soft cream in 5 degree Celcius could throw your influenza away. *but I don't recommend you to try this anyway!*

Apart from that, the stay with my hostfamily was perfect. What a nice family. We talked a lot of things -until one o'clock in the morning and spent Sunday morning walking out to the green park.

It was really an enriching activity, both in cultural understanding and self understanding :p
Many thanks to my host family -Yoshi san and Yuki san, Utsunomiya no Hippo family club and Sato sensei! Now I arrived home with a bunch of things -and thoughts.

色々お世話になりまして、ありがとうございました。

angklung

What a nice weekend I had.

I went to Chiba, a city in a prefecture northern Tokyo, to watch an angklung team in Chiba having a rehearsal. Amazing, that the motors of this angklung team are Japanese people --who indeed seem to love Indonesia very much: ability in speaking Bahasa Indonesia, good knowledge about Indonesian culture, and Indonesian sytle interior in the team president's house! Thanks to Teh Nina, who introduced me to Ibu Kawanami :)

I felt very welcomed.
By their generousity, and also by a sudden request from the conductor to teach them how to vibrate the angklung ;) and she kept asking my comment after each song!
Well, once again, never imagined that I myself did such things! :d
It was really fun to get into such community and I was very pleased also knowing that there are foreigners who love our angklung that much! (Go my friends in KPA3, expand the sound of angklung more, -of course after paying our debt :p )

Click here to see Angklung chiba performances last concert.

***

Music is a universal language. We may not communicate by the same language to people next to us, but music can be such a bridge. See here, when international students in Titech shared themselves through the music in last autumn welcoming party. So, when words fail to explain your self, why don't you try to use the music? ;) --a bunch of thanks to my Indonesian fellows in Titech.

My life walked in really slow pace lately. I need great driving force to finish my internship report -still writing till now, but blogging is much easier :p My gabor is still stuck, I need to debug it -but it seems that other stuffs are more interesting to do, such as trying aikido which finally hurts me :d

Meanwhile, it seems that earthquake starts to occur everywhere. In Indonesia: 9-Richter scale in Aceh, 8-Richter scale in Nias, also 5-Richter scale Bandung. and here in Japan: 7-Richter scale a month ago in Fukuoka, and 6-Richter scale near Tokyo -that once again became my effective alarm in the morning. And other countless natural disasters. May Allah always protect us.

* Pic added after a performance in summer.

home sweet home

Twenty-one-hour-journey from Tokyo to Fukuoka -a holiday that I finally had after one month being trapped in a small box in the old building in Tokyo :p

I'm home now. After five years!
Home?
Yup, such a place that I have missed in these six months.
A place that I have been looking for just to bring my spirit back after a long walk.

-desiree-

Hope to be able, again, to be back to a place that I call home.

my family in the neighborhood

my high school yard!

お父さん、お母さん、亮ちゃん、裕美佳ちゃん、親切に私を重松家に受け入れてくれて
まことにどうもありがとうございました。

early spring

campus in early spring...
will things change when the red turns into white...?
I am afraid.

[picture by waluyohadi]

plums in the spring

After long absence finally I have something to write here. The inspiration were just blurred away either because of no inspiration or just too much :p

I went to the plum garden in Ome, 2 hours by train outside Tokyo. The area was really like country side: peaceful, mountainous, fresh air, blue river, and no ticket machine in the train station :)

Plum blossoms start to bloom in the beginning of Spring in Japan, before cherry blossoms (or its famous name, sakura) complete the Spring atmosphere with their beauty. We walked in the area about 12 kilos (I didn't realize that it was that far) and one Japanese woman who also came with us taught me about haiku (or short poem --a kind of poem from which Yoshigawa Eiji, the author of Musashi whose childhood was also in Ome, started his career as a writer)

This is the haiku that I made while following the pathway to the otherside of the hills, gazing far into the blue sky.
春が来て愛の花も咲いている。。。

memory

Holiday.
Titech entrance exam today.

Yesterday the campus was already in exam atmosphere. Information tents near the main gate, people spreading booklet about housing, and notice to leave campus by 9.00 pm.
It slightly brought me back to four years ago when university entrance exam (we called it UMPTN --national uni entrance exam) was one of the things in my mind mostly. I could remember the feeling of our anxiety --choosing uni, doing try out. It was indeed one of the big things at that time.

One of other big things in my life was in my first few months in Japan --adapting to new life, new campus, new friends, even maybe new point of view. It was somewhat fun, but also tough. Something that I guess now has been transformed to new challenge, giving something different, and leaving special memories.

I think I have good memory of feeling. I write things down on my diary (or sometimes just in my mind) --mostly the date and thing happened, what I thought and felt, that when I read it back, the feeling accompanying it revealed.

----from the sceptic dictionary

1. Memories are constructions made in accordance with present needs, desires, influences, etc.
2. Memories are often accompanied by feelings and emotions.
3. Memory usually involves awareness of the memory. [Schacter 1996]

----

Maybe our global present need is to keep walking as the world always forces us to.
Maybe what does matter is to manage the memory to also fulfill the need.

I sometimes wake my memories up by reading my previous notes, talking, or writing about it.
Because I found that memories --sometimes memories of having passed even tougher time, always brought the feelings and emotions back to make me hold on.

gaijin

"Ssshhhh....."
That noise interrupted our talk on the way home tonight.
"Ssshhhh....."
Ouch, it seemed that it didn't want to give up.
Feeling disturbed, we looked at the source of this noise. 50 years old man.
Shoganai. We then moved to other side of the train. But he intentionally followed us.

Then we, three foreigners -a Korean, a French, and I-, simply ignored him and kept talking until then we heard again,
"Ssshhhh....."
"...doshite sono gaijin ga sonnani urusai naa!!"
(means: why that foreigners are that noisy!!)

"Ssshhhh....."
.....in the train. 9 pm.
Drunk people.
Or maybe it was also one of the realities I saw here that there are still people who don't like foreigners.

Apart from that, life is good.
Japanese people whom I interact to are very nice. I had good farewell party yesterday night in one of YSEP professors' house. I had started working on my final project. It is snowing again tonight.
Nothing can be better.

bored

Bored.
Then I finally walked to the station area.

"Are you sick?"
I coincidentally meet my dorm mates on the way there. --well, I was fine, but I dressed up like I were in the north pole. What I could do, it was raining and just very cold.

"Where have you been? I miss you."
Where I've been? Home. Lab. Here in Tokyo.
But maybe my mind, who has been travelling somewhere else.

Those simple conversations healed the rest of today.
Besides I found good novel today.
And also a box of sushi ^_^

卒論発表

read: sotsuron happyoo
meaning: final presentation

I attended B4 (forth year undergraduate students) sotsuron happyoo (as one of the requirements to graduate) today. Completely different to my home university final presentation, or we call it "sidang tugas akhir". In my home university, one may spend an hour (or even more) for the whole presentation. Three to four lecturers sit in front of you, listening then asking you a bunch of questions almost to every detail. --Actually I don't really know about this, I have just attended my seniors' presentation twice, and I hope that I myself will have experienced this by next year.

In sotsuron happyou today, from 9:00 to 11:44, about 15 students from three different labs (my lab and other two) did the presentation together hosted by one of them. No special place for the professors so that they didn't look like judges ;p Each student did his presentation about his final project in 7 minutes, then next 4 minutes for questions & answers section. It was really like a second, and sometimes the presenter spoke very fast to catch all of what he wanted to say in very short time (there was even a time keeper to ring the bell!)

Different cultures --what culture?!.. work culture? ;)
Maybe that is why that system is applicable here. Well, not really have any idea of the reasons. --I'm waiting for anybody to comment on. So what do you think?

you've got a friend

For my good friends in YSEP program who are leaving very soon --Romesh, Melissa, Martin, Morten-- and dorm-mate, Alex. And for my friends in the lab who are really nice and helpful to everything, including on making all my days until now in Japan are bearable. Hope you can find a friend in me as I do in all of you.

-----
taken from "You've Got A Friend" --James Taylor

When you’re down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
I’ll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You’ve got a friend.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They’ll hurt you and desert you.
Well they’ll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don’t you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don’t you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you’ve got to do is call.
Lord, I’ll be there, yes I will.
You’ve got a friend.
You’ve got a friend.
Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend.
Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend.
You’ve got a friend.
-----

forgiveness

I stupidly missed my station to change train line this morning. I think I have got used to Japanese way to sleep in the train and wake up in the right time :p but well, this morning was an exception. I missed the appointment, which I had really tried not to break it.

Few days ago, one of my friends told me that he is experiencing pretty hard pace in his life.
And somehow I got the impression of what he felt, the same as what I felt today, regret.

Well.. what I tried to do this morning, for I couldn't turn the time back (I would have done it many times if I could!) was just trying to laugh at my stupidity.
But indeed,
to forgive ourselves is more difficult than to forgive somebody else.

But why should we have to be that hard to ourselves?

abstract

Nothing really important happened. No special things. Except I had three Japanese exams --when my Japanese instinct is really in low level-- today and ate a lot of salad at lunch, while reading the whole stuff for the Kanji exam. Sat in front of me four friends: Bangladeshi husband and wife (I guess --or somewhere around there), one Japanese, and one Malaysian.

"So how long should your abstract be?"
"..six pages"
"What? six pages?!"
then the man mumbled to his wife, "maybe she just doesn't understand what abstract is.."

I just fell silent, tried to memorize all of the kanji written on my note, while also kept my ears on them.
Nice.
And I miss my friends. So much.

conscience

Do you believe whatever your conscience says, it tells you the truth? Once my mom said that you'd better listen to it otherwise it will stop talking. Well, guess it's true. Very cold tonight. Snow outside. But something missing inside. And it is simply because I let my conscience alone. Without my agreement. I promise it will never happen again.


I went to Sumo tournament today. They were just..HUGE! :) Ojisan whom I met in Ginza few months ago invited me. It's the third time he invites me to such exciting events that sometimes I wonder that there is still unbeliavably very nice people in this world. However, he wants me to see the Japanese culture, he said to me today in very strong Japanese accent of Japanese old man which sometimes hard to understand :p

Many good things happened in my life. Even when I am an alien here in Japan. Maybe this is just one of many ways Allah shows me there are always many things to be grateful for. Hope I will always be able to feel it.

unfocused

Proven by what I am doing at the moment. Writing documentation, writing presentation, writing this blog, waiting the program's excecution, chatting, and including thinking thousands stuffs in my mind --lot of stuffs in my mind lately...even everytime I go home I just don't realize if I have arrived (it takes 1 hour to go home from the lab so time is shorter then :p)-- It might be no problem to do such a bunch of multitasking as long as you can keep your focus changing by the thing you are doing. But if mind flies everywhere instead of what you are currently doing? ;) Well, that's quite ineffective isn't it.

Reading this and this. Thanks a lot, Mos :)--and thanks for the internship letter, received yesterday--

Gotta back to the real work. Catch you later.

no title

疲れた。
時間がもっと長ければいいのに。

Walked around shinjuku station to sell my 18kippu to 2nd ticket shops... with great hope that there would have been one still optimistic of buying my ticket. Still 4 boxes left in my ticket --which will be expired in 4 days also-- which means I still can use it for 4 days going anywhere in Japan *_* Well, unless miracle happens soon, I should not waste it whatever the way is.. :p but excluding making trip again --that is impossible on these kind of days!--

Everything is just fine. Like usual sunday.. waking up a bit (?) later, walking around, freezing, visiting friends, doing homework (what?!) ^_^ Hope I can break this stagnancy =) which is --of course-- very stable life I have :)

Having little talk about what I am going to be in near future.. always find this difficult to decide. The nearer, the darker *sigh* One thought that teaching will be enjoyable, sure, peaceful,... well... is it? Have no idea. But a moment, don't it also means...stagnant? --again?-- Dunno. But I'll think about it. No worries.